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“I’m Dying . . . “It’s OK”
The two most important words I ever said.
Sometimes people need permission or forgiveness for something. When you give it, it can come right back to you.
When I got to my 84-year-old Dad’s hospital death bed, he was on oxygen, struggling to breathe. The family had gathered. Many complex medical issues had overwhelmed his body. The DNR and DNI signs were up as he had decided.
If you have ever been in that spot you know, if not, well, I can’t explain it right now.
Anyway, when I sat down next to him and took his hand, he looked at me with the clearest eyes I had seen in a while.
He said, “I’m dying”.
His two words said it all, hopes, fears, regrets, facts, whatever he was seeing that only the dying can see. I took it in at that moment.
As with all fathers and their children, we had an imperfect and sometimes complicated relationship. None of that mattered.
For me, the only response was It’s OK. Looking him just as intently in his eyes I replied;
“It’s OK”
It was OK, all of it.
He faded fast from there, it was the last I saw of those sharp eyes. There was nothing left to do but watch and wait with the family.
